Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Looking for the Lesson

Tomorrow I will be having surgery on my cervical spine, a procedure to decompress the vertebrae (I think a bit like scraping the barnacles from the hull of a ship!) and hopefully restore the use and strength in my hands and arms. It is not something I would have chosen, but it is astonishing that the skill and expertise exists to fix such annoying problems of aging. I have great confidence in my surgeon, though I will send him my wishes for a good night's sleep and a steady hand.
Always looking for the lesson, I suspect that it is easily identified here. I am not accustomed to asking for help or to being taken care of. But I am trying to accept with grace the importance of allowing others to assist and to show their love in that way. I do need help at the moment. Daughter Laura is here doing just that and it feels nice. Tom is always trying to find ways to help. So I am relaxing into the lesson, appreciating the love and not hesitating to ask for help. Starting tomorrow, it won't be so much a choice as an imperative. I'm hopeful for a successful outcome and a quick recovery. All good thoughts and prayers will be most appreciated.

Until further notice...

so this is how it will be
not what I would have chosen
to be sure, but until further notice

the music will continue, all the more
lively and boisterous, the songs rich
as ruby wine in a crystal stem

the grass will grow, greenest in July
when the monsoons flourish
and the dry creeks spill their banks

hummingbirds will flock to the vine
driving their tiny drill bits down
the narrow bell to cull the nectar cache

children will rescue us from cynicism
inspire better versions of our ordinary selves
hold the mirror before us with expectant eyes

life and death and life will persist,
lovers will ignite, weather storms, forgive,
learn to trust, fall and rise again and yet again

                               from Dance on a Dirt Road

1 comment:

  1. Though the circumstances are decidedly different, I know something of the difficulty in asking for (and accepting) help. I'm so glad you're accepting it with good spirits. Accepting it is not a choice, as you said, but the manner in which you accept it is.

    I love you and I know you'll do just fine. I know I don't have to tell you, but you know I'd be there in a heartbeat if I could.